Saturday, March 27, 2010

Don't Forget Earth Hour ...

I'm celebrating by turning ALL my lights on 
and running my power tools in the shop ...
stupid Libs.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual 
gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get 
him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. 
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was
about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned 
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" 
asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," 
said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking 
him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you 
really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy..

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, 
knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 
"I am sorry I lied.  We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, 
I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that 
nearly knocked him out of his chair...

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 
"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with 
Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


 A  man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to  foot.
 The doctor comes in and  says, "Ah, I see you've regained  consciousness.
 Now, you probably won't  remember, but you were in a pile-up on  the

freeway.  You're going to be okay,  you'll walk again and everything,  but...

 "Something happened.  I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact  is,
 your willy was chopped off in the wreck  and we were unable to find  it."

 The man groans, but the  doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in  insurance
 compensation coming and we  have the technology now to build you a  new
 willy that will work as well as your old  one did - better in fact! But the  thing
 is, it doesn't come cheap. It's  $1000 an inch."

 The man perks  up at this.

 "So," the doctor  says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you  want.
 But it's something you'd better  discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
 had a  five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine  incher,  she might
 be a bit put out. But if  you had a nine inch one before, and you decide  only
 to invest in a five incher this time,  she might be disappointed. So  it's
 important that she plays a role in  helping you make the  decision."

 The man agrees to  talk with his wife.

 The  doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor,  "have you
spoken with your  wife?"

 "I have," says the  man.

 "And what is the  decision?" asks the  doctor.
 "We're getting  granite countertops."