Woodsterman Too

The Latest Poll Numbers Are In

2011-08-26T06:13:00.000-07:00

Woodsterman Has The Moves

2010-12-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas !

Merry Christmas !

2010-12-24T15:00:00.000-08:00

Christmas Bird

2010-12-21T08:32:00.001-08:00

The 12 Days of Winter ...

2010-12-17T06:46:00.000-08:00

tha malcontent Left Another Zinger Over at Woodsterman

2010-12-15T12:34:00.000-08:00

I almost forgot to tell you this important news:
A friend of mine just started his own business.

He manufactures landmines that look like
Muslim prayer mats.

It's doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.

Thanks Mal (Link)

It's Pearl Harbor Day

2010-12-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

2010-11-24T15:31:00.000-08:00

It's Veterans Day

2010-11-11T05:46:00.001-08:00

It's Never Too Early ...

2010-11-07T07:57:00.000-08:00

Well, you know how I love to play with these

banners. Here's my newest attempt at political

wishing. The idea is not mine, but the art work

is. I would be honored if you would steal this

and spread it around. Click to enlarge.

VOTE TODAY !!!

2010-11-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

Meet the enemy below ....

You must vote !!!

2010-10-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

It's Just A LIne On A Map ...

2010-10-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

Oh, but if you stay there, anything can happen.

Maybe a bleeding heart actress will pick you

up. She'll take you to her home and feed and

care for you ... or she'll hire you to weed her

garden and let the tax payers care for you. I'll

bet the latter is closest to the truth.

Common Sense Versus No Sense

2010-10-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

NUFF SAID !

Woodsterman's Famous

2010-10-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

Well I like to think so ....

A Blond Joke tha malcontent Style ...

2010-10-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realise that our porch goes ALL the way
around the house? That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The man replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

Later that day, the blond came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.

'Yes', the blond replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

'And by the way,' the blond added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.

Hat Tip to tha malcontent

I Am America by Krista Branch

2010-07-18T06:36:00.000-07:00

I first saw this at Teresamerica, and she got it from,

and they got it from, and he got it from .....

It made it to Glen Beck and now here because I

can't stop listening to it. I embedded it above

so I could make larger. It's on YouTube and iTunes

for sale. I feel it needs to be bought, embedded, and

PLAYED!

2010-06-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

Hey you in California, it's time to bounce

Barbara "Don't Call Me Ma'am" Boxer

to the curb !

Link to our next senator ~ Carly Fiorina

2010-06-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

Bumper Stickers Are Fun .... He's Back

2010-06-07T07:28:00.000-07:00

Woodsterman Too needs to help out once in awhile.

Let's have some more bumper sticker fun ...

Don't Forget Earth Hour ...

2010-03-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

I'm celebrating by turning ALL my lights on

and running my power tools in the shop ...

stupid Libs.

Bumper Stickers ... More #5

2010-03-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

THE LIE DETECTOR

2010-03-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual

gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get

him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.

It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was

about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned

home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"

asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,"

said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking

him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you

really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy..

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him,

knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said,

"I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age,

I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that

nearly knocked him out of his chair...

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,

"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with

Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Bumper Stickers ... More #4

2010-03-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

WILLY ...

2010-03-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the
freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...

"Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is,
your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new
willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing
is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want.
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might
be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only
to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's
important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you
spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."

Bumper Stickers ... More #3

2010-03-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

Scotch & 2 drops of water

2010-02-28T03:00:00.000-08:00

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two

drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on

this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.

In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink, the woman

to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two

drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to
her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two
drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he

says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops

of water?'
The woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold
your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

***************************************************************

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you On your new alligator shoes

And you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens
the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of

by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN 'Getting a little action' Means you don't need to take any

fibre today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...'Getting lucky' means you find your car In the parking

lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up To use the
bathroom.

AND FINALLY

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are jokes?

Bumper Stickers ... More #2

2010-02-27T03:00:00.000-08:00

1955 ...

2010-02-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by
a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant
Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.
Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out!
I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room
where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,
"I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

Bumper Stickers ... More #1

2010-02-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

And here is the bonus that goes with this bumper sticker :

Saint Peter and the Chicken

2010-02-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'

The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.'

Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got to send me back straight away.'

St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking
around, pecking the ground...

'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'

'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode.'

'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before.' 'Never', replies Dave. 'Well just relax and let it happen'.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...

'Dave, wake up, you drunken bastard. You've shit the bed !!'

Updated Bumper Sticker Themes #6

2010-02-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

That's all folks ...

12 Months Of Blonde Fever

2010-02-22T03:00:00.000-08:00

Forget H1N1, worry about Blonde Fever

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.......
Box said “ 2-4 years”!

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is   'C'.....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....
They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days   ...
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!

Updated Bumper Sticker Themes #5

2010-02-21T03:00:00.000-08:00

More to follow ...

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

2010-02-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from
the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Woodsterman,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woodsterman,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals..
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee
to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose
time and costing the company money.
5.. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9 September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11.. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out.

Updated Bumper Sticker Themes #4

2010-02-19T03:00:00.000-08:00

More to follow ...

Getting Older Together ...

2010-02-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

AFTER   BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "Darling, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP   APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

NOW   I HAVE A $500,000..00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.   IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF   THINGS."

MY   WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE

AREN'T   OLDER WOMEN GREAT?
THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE
YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS

Updated Bumper Sticker Themes #3

2010-02-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

More to Follow ...

How Yodeling Began

2010-02-16T03:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"

"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer.. "needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food and then took it out to the barn

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out .....

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"

Updated Bumper Sticker Themes #2

2010-02-15T03:00:00.000-08:00

More to follow ...

Happy Valentine's Day From Woodsterman !

2010-02-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

This is for the crazy readers of Woodsterman Too.

Updated Bumper Sticker Themes #1

2010-02-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

More to follow ...

Granddad ...

2010-02-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days....................

"When I were a boy, Momma would sent me down t'corner store wi' a dollah,
and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o'
bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf
a dozen eggs.

Ya' can't do that now.
Too many dam' security cameras."

The Italian Nursing Home

2010-02-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather(Abdullah) in a nursing home.

All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home.

After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.

'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.

'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful' says grandpa.

'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone".

''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents", Abdulla says with a big smile.

'There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!

' There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!

''There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?!

'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Arab'."

Today's Inspirational Message

2010-02-10T03:00:00.000-08:00

Never piss off a woman

who can operate a backhoe...

Her Wisdom

2010-02-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to
donate some of my clothes to the starving
people throughout the world.
I told them to Fuck off!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!

Girlfriend

2010-02-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour

just stroking his pecker, something she seemed

to love to do.

Enjoying it, he turned and asked her,

'Why do you love doing that?'

She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'

INSTALLING A HUSBAND (Super Bowl Special)

2010-02-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Tech support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

********************************************************************

DEAR DESPERATE,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2
and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works
as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are un
supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking
3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

Please Steal Me ...

2010-02-06T17:09:00.000-08:00

Hurry Back !

FREE SEX

2010-02-06T03:00:00.000-08:00

A Texaco gas station in Edinburg, Texas,

was trying to increase its sales, so the owner

put up a sign saying, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up'.

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank,

and then asked for his free sex. The owner

told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said,

'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.'

A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy,

Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up.

Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story,

and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed 2 this time.

Again the proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.

You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy,

'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't

really give away free sex. ' Bubba replied,

'No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged -----

my wife won twice last week.'!

Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 4

2010-02-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

Now THIS is why you can't believe any

picture you see on the Internet!

This is a perfect example of what an expert

can do with Adobe Photo Shop!

The guy who did these pictures

did an awesome job!

Bunni, How's this last one ?

Hat Tip to Worth 1000 . com

Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 3

2010-02-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

Now THIS is why you can't believe any

picture you see on the Internet!

This is a perfect example of what an expert

can do with Adobe Photo Shop!

The guy who did these pictures

did an awesome job!

Hat Tip to Worth 1000 . com

Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 2

2010-02-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

Now THIS is why you can't believe any

picture you see on the Internet!

This is a perfect example of what an expert

can do with Adobe Photo Shop!

The guy who did these pictures

did an awesome job!

Hat Tip to Worth 1000 . com

Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 1

2010-02-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

Now THIS is why you can't believe any

picture you see on the Internet!

This is a perfect example of what an expert

can do with Adobe Photo Shop!

The guy who did these pictures

did an awesome job!

Hat Tip to Worth 1000 . Com

How they vote in the United Nations

2010-02-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

Below are the actual voting records of various

Arabic/Islam States which are recorded in both

the US State Department and United Nations records:

Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time

Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time

Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time

United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.

Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.

Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.

Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.

Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.

Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.

Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.

Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.

Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.

Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.

Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.

Lebanon votes against the United States 80% of the time.

India votes against the United States 81% of the time.

Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.

Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.

U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:

Egypt, for example, after voting 79% of the time

against the United States, still receives

$2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.

Jordan votes 71% against the United States

And receives $192,814,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.

Pakistan votes 75% against the United States receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.

India votes 81% against the United States

and receives $143,699,000 annually.

Perhaps it is time to get the U. S. out of the

UN and the UN out of the U. S. and give the

tax savings back to the American workers

who are having to skimp and sacrifice

to pay the taxes (and gasoline).

How does this make you

feel Taxpaying Citizen ?

Disgusting isn't it?

Four Friends

2010-01-31T03:50:00.000-08:00

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip -
shopping, casinos, massages, facials.

Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.

Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.

"Wow, how long you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night........... Yesterday evening I
was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said 'Guess who'?" I pulled his hands off to find all he
was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and led me to our bedroom.

The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over............On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want."

So here I am.

A Very Loyal Wife...

2010-01-30T03:50:00.000-08:00

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,

yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

You have been with me through all the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing,

you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear", she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're fucking bad luck!"

IRS

2010-01-29T03:50:00.000-08:00

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons

him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet..'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops..

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

Obama, "It's Bush's Fault !"

2010-01-28T10:14:00.000-08:00

How is this for nostalgia?

2010-01-28T03:50:00.000-08:00

Remember when Ronald Reagan was president.

We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash...

Now we have Obama and no Hope and no

Cash.

Listening ?

2010-01-27T03:50:00.000-08:00

This man, 73,

is wearing a protective flap
over his ear while
Joe Biden, Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi addressed the Veterans of Foreign Wars

Where can I get one of those ?

The New Motto At Woodsterman Too Again

2010-01-26T03:50:00.000-08:00

Live long enough to be a REAL

concern to your kids:

Why should it be any different for Woodsterman ?

The New Motto At Woodsterman Too

2010-01-25T03:50:00.000-08:00

Live long enough to be a REAL

concern to your kids:

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

2010-01-24T03:50:00.000-08:00

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,

locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Colt 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family…..

What
do
you do?

...............................................................

THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's
Answer :

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him

that would inspire
him to attack?

Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club
and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about
this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be
happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would
he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold
on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call
9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day

and make this a happier, healthier street that
would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!

I need to debate this with some friends

for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

.............................................................................

Republican's
Answer:

BANG!

.......................................................................

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG !
Click...... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!

Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that thing to the Taxidermist!'

Password

2010-01-23T03:50:00.000-08:00

During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a blonde receptionist was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Lonely ...

2010-01-22T03:50:00.000-08:00

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:-

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs! '
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed?'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'

Art Gallery

2010-01-21T03:50:00.000-08:00

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring
at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted
three black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures
had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willy

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting
the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over
half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of
African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willy
also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by men
in contemporary society'.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said,
'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator
of the gallery?' asked the couple.

'Because I'm the one, who painted the picture,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no
African Americans depicted at all'.

'They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch!'

Thoughts On Waterboarding

2010-01-20T03:55:00.000-08:00

I miss the good old days ...

How about you ?

Take This If You Want It ...

2010-01-20T03:53:00.000-08:00

Marriage

2010-01-20T03:50:00.000-08:00

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast
Table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly,
I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?"
She asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry,
And I don't want some asshole using my stuff..."

She looked at me and said:
"What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

IT'S OBAMA'S FAULT !

2010-01-19T04:05:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to say that for a long time.

Massachusetts, help me say it tomorrow !

You Need To Establish Your Priorities...

2010-01-19T03:50:00.000-08:00

Some things are just more important.

SHOOT! SHOOT!!!

You can always sh!t later.

One Day Left To See What We're Made Of

2010-01-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

This is an example of two

diametrically opposite candidates.

Can you pick out the HAPPY rally ?

Thank you Opie for the idea and inspiration.

Oh, and the photos too.

Hat Tip to you at MAinfo

So, That's What Happened ....

2010-01-18T03:50:00.000-08:00

This is a good example of “little things matter.”

2010-01-17T03:50:00.000-08:00

BOAT DELIVERY WAS ON TIME

65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms,

a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation,

twin supercharged diesel engines, etc.

$4,500,000.00

Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and

music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owners' and a small group of friends.

$500.00

Two corporate representatives, crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle.

$2,500/hour

(Note the guy in the stern!)

Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate

Representatives just prior to 'inking' the final paperwork.....

PRICELESS!

So, how was your day...?

New Truck

2010-01-16T03:50:00.000-08:00

MY NEW TRUCK

I bought a new Chevy Avalanche and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.

'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio.

The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'

'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers.

Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him.

I yelled, 'Ass Hole!'

Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States Barack Hussein Obama and played “Hail to the Chief’

Damn I love this truck...

Yes Officer ?

2010-01-15T03:50:00.000-08:00

Peddle like mad ...

Now that is fast !

Great Poster

2010-01-14T03:50:00.000-08:00

I have some of these posters I'll be mixing in.

I can hear it at the door ... excuse me please.

The Girls Love To "Find The Woodsterman"

2010-01-13T03:50:00.000-08:00

Please indulge a very busy Woodsterman.

I'm doing year end bookkeeping.

Click on the Dust'n Lint logo if you're curious.

The One Is Divine - He Forgives

2010-01-12T03:50:00.000-08:00

As we catch up to our

friends in Washington ...

Oh don't you worry ... Harry has a message for us.

Woodsterman Fights ObamaCare ...

2010-01-11T03:50:00.000-08:00

U.S. Government refuses to pay

for this X-ray ... drops the

whole idea of ObamaCare

It's not Hard To "Find The Woodsterman"

2010-01-10T03:50:00.000-08:00

This is how we clear snow

in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Happy Global Warming Everyone !

One More Time "Find The Woodsterman"

2010-01-09T03:50:00.000-08:00

It feels great being this T-shirt !

Anticipation !

2010-01-08T03:50:00.000-08:00

The anxious crowd awaits

the unveiling of the

Barack Obama Presidential Statue

Ah, s*it on it !

Let's Play "Find The Woodsterman" Again

2010-01-07T03:50:00.000-08:00

Oh my, He just keeps ending up

in the craziest places.

Just a part of "bad" history.

Let's Play "Find The Woodsterman"

2010-01-06T03:50:00.000-08:00

OK kids where's woodsterman ?

OK that's not really me, but

he and I think alike.

thought

would

add ...

GO GREEN!! RECYCLE CONGRESS !!!

Expensive History Continued

2010-01-05T03:50:00.000-08:00

This is the 11 most expensive catastrophes

in history continued.

Presenting number 7 through 11.

Well what were you voters expecting,

someone to hold your hand and

ease you into this information ?

Expensive History

2010-01-04T03:50:00.000-08:00

I'll Bring you six today and five tomorrow ....

Tomorrow we'll start with #7 and

end with the most expensive catastrophe.

OUR DOLLAR !!!

2010-01-03T03:50:00.000-08:00

WILL THE DOLLAR FALL??

I posted this because I know you're interested in finance.

TO MY FINANCIALLY FOCUSED FRIENDS

The Question of the Day is...

Will the Dollar fall or not?

The Key to Financial Survival is to be a Tight Ass!

Traffic Jam

2010-01-02T03:50:00.000-08:00

Snowmobile trail closed due to traffic jam.

Please Call Before You Dig

2010-01-01T03:50:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, I worked for

the telephone company for 30 years.

On all of our underground plant and

signs near by was this plea, "Please

Call Before You Dig." All underground

utilities post these signs. Can you

imagine if someone hit an underground

power line ?

Poor dumb bear can't read

Smokey was a smoking ...

And You Thought It Was Safe To Return To Walmart ... #4

2009-12-31T03:50:00.000-08:00

I'm afraid there's a matching pair in the front...and there's no bra holding them up either!

It was the cleanest I had ... so I'll show it off a bit.

I'm so used to the big girls, this one came as a shock.

At least her hair ribbon matches.

Again many thanks and Hat Tips to:

Jim McMahon Chicago

~Amusing Bunni's Musings~

And You Thought It Was Safe To Return To Walmart ... #3

2009-12-30T03:50:00.000-08:00

Show off that G-string, Baaaaabay! Two butt cheeks shakin' like craaaazy!

It's either a horrible trick, or a disgusting treat.

Hola! Bienvenidos a McDonalds en Wal-Mart. Te gustaria tomar una siesta?

Ya, what he said ...

And You Thought It Was Safe To Return To Walmart ... #2

2009-12-29T03:50:00.000-08:00

Winter clothes checklist: hoody, obnoxious fur boots, booty thong….check, check, and check.
Now to find something that goes with a tramp stamp and under-cheeks.

I know you want to stop looking but can't...It's like a car wreck, it's tragic,

but you can't stop looking.

Who wouldn't look good in a schoolgirl outfit? See above

Excuse me, Ma'am, but automotive can fix that spare tire in a jiffy!

I have to add, she looks great in her husbands jeans.

And You Thought It Was Safe To Return To Walmart ... #1

2009-12-28T05:53:00.000-08:00

Hat tip to two people for these ...

Jim McMahon Chicago

~Amusing Bunni's Musings~

Oh, those boots look like they’re made for more than just walking when you pair

them with those gold spandex….shazaam But hey, it's a fun couple thing!

Pilgrims look differently in 2009. He needs to loosen those suspenders a tad so
his voice would be lower!

He's a little pretentious crowning himself Wal-Mart Worldwide Wrestling Champion,
but it wouldn't take much to dethrone him.

Ever wonder where the expression, "colder than a witch's tit" came from?

Unidine

2009-12-27T03:50:00.000-08:00

Extremists Are Everywhere

2009-12-26T03:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Farts For A Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T03:50:00.000-08:00

A Merry Christmas Sing Along

2009-12-24T15:00:00.000-08:00

Oh OK, then lets have a fart along.

MERRY CHRISTMAS From A Silly Guy ...

2009-12-24T03:50:00.000-08:00