WILLY ...

 A  man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to  foot.
 The doctor comes in and  says, "Ah, I see you've regained  consciousness.
 Now, you probably won't  remember, but you were in a pile-up on  the
freeway.  You're going to be okay,  you'll walk again and everything,  but...
 
 "Something happened.  I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact  is,
 your willy was chopped off in the wreck  and we were unable to find  it."
 
 The man groans, but the  doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in  insurance
 compensation coming and we  have the technology now to build you a  new
 willy that will work as well as your old  one did - better in fact! But the  thing
 is, it doesn't come cheap. It's  $1000 an inch."
 
 The man perks  up at this.

 "So," the doctor  says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you  want.
 But it's something you'd better  discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
 had a  five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine  incher,  she might
 be a bit put out. But if  you had a nine inch one before, and you decide  only
 to invest in a five incher this time,  she might be disappointed. So  it's
 important that she plays a role in  helping you make the  decision."

 The man agrees to  talk with his wife.

 The  doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor,  "have you
spoken with your  wife?"
 
 "I have," says the  man.

 "And what is the  decision?" asks the  doctor.
 
 "We're getting  granite countertops."