Monday, August 24, 2009

The Bricklayer's Accident Report

The next time you’re having a bad day, just think—
you’re lucky you’re not this guy!

This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed
in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’
Compensation Board. Bricklayer’s Accident Report

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form.
I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident.
You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident,
I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story
building. When I completed my work, I found I had
some bricks left over which when weighed later were
found to weigh 240 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided
to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was
attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof,
swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then
I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to
insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will
note on the accident reporting form that my weight is
135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so
suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let
go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid
rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which
was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive
speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions
and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident
reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in
Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by
this time, I had regained my presence of mind and
was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the
excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel
of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the
barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the
barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again
to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down
the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor,
I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two
fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations
of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately
only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile
of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty
barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure
and presence of mind and let go of the rope.


Anonymous said...

A classic. Reminds me of the Obama administration.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

When I worked for the phone company (you know which one Nickie)we would read this to lighten the safety meeting.

Opus #6 said...

Wile-E-Coyoteeee, Suuuper Geeeenius.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thanks for stopping by Opie.