This is for the crazy readers of Woodsterman Too.Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Granddad ...
Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days....................
"When I were a boy, Momma would sent me down t'corner store wi' a dollah,
and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o'
bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf
a dozen eggs.
Ya' can't do that now.
Too many dam' security cameras."
"When I were a boy, Momma would sent me down t'corner store wi' a dollah,
and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o'
bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf
a dozen eggs.
Ya' can't do that now.
Too many dam' security cameras."
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Italian Nursing Home
An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather(Abdullah) in a nursing home.
All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.
'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.
'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful' says grandpa.
'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone".
''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents", Abdulla says with a big smile.
'There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
' There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!
''There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?!
'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Arab'."
All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.
'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.
'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful' says grandpa.
'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone".
''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents", Abdulla says with a big smile.
'There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
' There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!
''There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?!
'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Arab'."
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Her Wisdom
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to
donate some of my clothes to the starving
people throughout the world.
I told them to Fuck off!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
donate some of my clothes to the starving
people throughout the world.
I told them to Fuck off!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Girlfriend
A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex, she spent the next hour
After having great sex, she spent the next hour
just stroking his pecker, something she seemed
to love to do.
Enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
'Why do you love doing that?'
She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'
She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'
Sunday, February 7, 2010
INSTALLING A HUSBAND (Super Bowl Special)
Dear Tech support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
********************************************************************
DEAR DESPERATE,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2
and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works
as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are un
supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking
3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.
********************************************************************
DEAR DESPERATE,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2
and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works
as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the
background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are un
supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking
3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Saturday, February 6, 2010
FREE SEX
A Texaco gas station in Edinburg, Texas,
was trying to increase its sales, so the owner
put up a sign saying, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up'.
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank,
and then asked for his free sex. The owner
told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.'
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy,
Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story,
and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed 2 this time.
Again the proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't
really give away free sex. ' Bubba replied,
'No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged -----
my wife won twice last week.'!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 4
Now THIS is why you can't believe any
picture you see on the Internet!
This is a perfect example of what an expert
This is a perfect example of what an expert
can do with Adobe Photo Shop!
The guy who did these pictures
The guy who did these pictures
did an awesome job!
Bunni, How's this last one ?
Hat Tip to Worth 1000 . com
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 3
Now THIS is why you can't believe any
picture you see on the Internet!
This is a perfect example of what an expert
This is a perfect example of what an expert
can do with Adobe Photo Shop!
The guy who did these pictures
The guy who did these pictures
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 2
Now THIS is why you can't believe any
picture you see on the Internet!
This is a perfect example of what an expert
This is a perfect example of what an expert
can do with Adobe Photo Shop!
The guy who did these pictures
The guy who did these pictures
did an awesome job!
Hat Tip to Worth 1000 . com
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Photo Shop At Its Best ! Part 1
Now THIS is why you can't believe any
picture you see on the Internet!
This is a perfect example of what an expert
This is a perfect example of what an expert
can do with Adobe Photo Shop!
The guy who did these pictures
The guy who did these pictures
did an awesome job!
Hat Tip to Worth 1000 . Com
Monday, February 1, 2010
How they vote in the United Nations
Below are the actual voting records of various
Arabic/Islam States which are recorded in both
the US State Department and United Nations records:
Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time
Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time
Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time
United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.
Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.
Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.
Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.
Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time
Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time
United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.
Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.
Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.
Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.
Lebanon votes against the United States 80% of the time.
India votes against the United States 81% of the time.
Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.
Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.
India votes against the United States 81% of the time.
Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.
Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.
U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:
Egypt, for example, after voting 79% of the time
against the United States, still receives
$2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.
Jordan votes 71% against the United States
And receives $192,814,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.
Pakistan votes 75% against the United States receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.
India votes 81% against the United States
and receives $143,699,000 annually.
Perhaps it is time to get the U. S. out of the
UN and the UN out of the U. S. and give the
tax savings back to the American workers
who are having to skimp and sacrifice
to pay the taxes (and gasoline).
How does this make you
feel Taxpaying Citizen ?
Disgusting isn't it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
