Oh Al ...

The Scam ....

 

 

 

"Take that you stupid fools ..."

Could Happen ?

STUPID ED

REAL MEN DON'T BOW !

 

 

NUFF SAID ....

Be Careful Driving To Grandma's Today

It happens to all of us... 

You're driving along

just minding your own business,

when all of a sudden -

without any warning,

This Dick In A Truck

pulls out right in front of you......

Happy Winter Driving Season!!!

Please Be Careful Out There

and Stay Safe . . .

Cause They're Everywhere!!!

LIAR !

Feel free to steal and use this

Oh Al

Wrong end Al ...

You're talking out of your @$$

Oh Stand Up !!! Be a Man !!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Here is a recipe I thought you would like for the holidays

Ingredients:
1 whole turkey
1 large lemon, cut into halves
salt and pepper to taste
butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer

Heat oven to 350 degrees

Rub butter or oil over the skin of the turkey until 

it is completely coated. Sprinkle with salt and 

pepper and any other seasonings you prefer.

Take a knife and gently separate the skin from 

the breast meat;  Slide  lemon  halves  under  

the  skin  with  the  peel  side  up, one on
each side.  This way the  juice from the lemon 

will release into the breasts.

Cover and bake for 30-45 minutes.   Remove cover 

and continue to roast until juices run clear, basting 

every 15-20 minutes.

If you've followed these steps correctly, your turkey should 
look like the one in the picture.

See picture below to make sure the finished product 

turned out correctly.

Bon Appetit!  

 

Investments ...

Moral of the story when making investments...

If this is your first time looking at the picture and 

after 30 seconds you still didn't realize that 

there is a shark in the background, 

you probably need to train your 

Adversity Quotient.  

It is the same when making investments.

You always get attracted to those BIG returns, 

and may miss the lurking risks that may occur.

OK, When did you notice the shark fin ?????????????

The Old Cow

Nancy Pelosi was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven 

car when suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road and is hit

and the car comes to a stop.
 

Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 

"You get out and check - you were driving."

The chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal 

is dead but it was old.

"You were driving; go and tell the farmer," says Nancy.

Two hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, 

hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

"My God, what happened to you?" asks Nancy.

The chauffeur replies: "When I got to the farmer's house, 

the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whiskey, his wife 

gave me a wonderful meal and the daughter made 

passionate love to me."

 "What on earth did you say?" asks Nancy.

"'I just knocked on the door and when it was answered, 

I said to them: I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, 

and I just killed the old cow."

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists. 

The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead. 

When properly installed, it will allow the one implanted, to speak to God.  

It comes in various sizes:

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician. 

The implant may or may not be painless. Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary.
Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you. 
Best regards,

 

POLITICAL SPIN

No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, 

THIS is FUNNY and VERY telling!

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Congressman Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in  Montana  in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid  share this common ancestor.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows  in  Montana  territory: 

On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed Congressman Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.
Harry Reid: 

Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.."


NOW THAT's how it's done, Folks!
That's real POLITICAL SPIN

Pumpkin Pies ...

With the holidays approaching I thought you might 

like a little information on pumpkin pies...enjoy!!!

 

 

Oh Hell, Let's Visit Walmart Again #4

Mama, we ain't got enough Mountain Dew! 

This is what happens when you put a size 22 body in a size 10 swim suit.

Shhhhhh............I'm under house arrest.

Don't turn around...pleeeeease don't turn around... 

I just love shopping at Wal-Mart in my pajamas. 

Gimme a couple of dem cans of SKOAL.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS !

Thanks again Brother-In-Law David

and Sister-In-Crime Amusing Bunni 

Oh Hell, Let's Visit Walmart Again #3

Moeesha be lookin' for da baby daddy.....and when I fine him, I'm gonna kick his ass.

He looks familiar... 

 A comedy, a romance?  A western..........no wait, how about a good horror film? 

 

Somewhere a stripper is missing a pair of shoes. 

What kind of shoes do you wear with an outfit like that??? 

Nice Van ....

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.--John Adams

I hope this one makes it around the world repeatedly!!!!  Give the people the same health care as their elected officials!!!

SCROLL DOWN!

 

Fight organized crime: Re-elect no one...

 

  

Oh Hell, Let's Visit Walmart Again #2

Eye of the tiger and I'm ready to fight...

Yes, they come in all colors.

More than the outfit, I'm wondering what's in his pockets.

Hmmmm........I don't know what to say.

Yes sir, Crack Spackle is located in the paint department. 

(I have ask here... can't he feel that?)

Oh Hell, Let's Visit Walmart Again

Thanks for your contribution Brother-In-Law David

and Hat Tip to my Sister-In-Crime Amusing Bunni

Is that a............garbage bag???????   There must be a story behind it.

It's just terrible when you reach middle age and become 

absent minded....I think I forgot something.... 

When you've got an itch, Scratch. 

 

Does this dress make my ass look big??????

I'm lookin' good and I know it. 

 

Old Pilots ...

Ya think you have lived to be 61 and know who you are, 

then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks 

and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, 

a young woman sat down next to him..

She turned to the pilot and asked, 

'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying 

biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in

WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, 

taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds,

so I guess I am a pilot.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day 

thinking about naked women. As soon as 

I get up in the morning, I think about 

naked women. When I shower, I think about 

naked women. When I watch TV, I think about 

naked women. It seems everything makes me think 

of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down 

on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 

'Are you a real pilot?'

 

He replied, 'I always thought I was, 

but I just found out  I'm a lesbian.