Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Saint Peter and the Chicken

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking
drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he
found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?'

The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.'

Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much
to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got to send me back straight away.'

St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.
We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking

around, pecking the ground...

'This ain't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling

welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?'

'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling

inside like I'm about to explode.'

'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before.' 'Never', replies Dave. 'Well just relax and let it happen'.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming
and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...

'Dave, wake up, you drunken bastard. You've shit the bed !!'


Amusing Bunni said...

Oh, I didn't see that're incorrigible, Odie, but Funny as Sh*t. ;-)

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Thanks Bunni, I pride myself on that.

Snarky Basterd said...

Oh, man... that was bad. And hilarious.

Opus #6 said...

I didn't expect that either. Ha!

Teresa said...

That was real bad. You had me LMAO!!

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Snarky, you didn't have to say hilarious, bad is a complement here.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Opie, I'm glad I can surprise a Woodsterman regular like you.

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

Teresa, thank you for helping me celebrate National Chicken Day ... at least I think it is.