Scotch & 2 drops of water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two 

drops of water.  As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on  

this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'
 

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.

In fact, this one is on me.'  As the woman finishes her  drink, the woman

to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
 

The  woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two  

drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender.  As she finishes that drink, the man  to
 her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The  woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with  two
drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.  As he gives her the drink, he

says, 'Ma'am,  I'm dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops

of water?'
The  woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold
 your liquor.  Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'


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'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you On your new alligator shoes

And you're barefoot.

 'OLD' IS WHEN...A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens
the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN...  Going bra-less Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of

by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN 'Getting a little action' Means you don't need to take any

fibre today.
 

'OLD' IS WHEN...'Getting lucky' means you find your car In the parking 

lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up To use the
bathroom.

AND FINALLY

'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are jokes?